When exercise is tough, diet food tastes like poop (not that I’ve tried any…), and the scale has ground to a halt, what next? Exercise harder or longer? Nope. Eat healthy, but tasty, food? Course not! Measure yourself instead of weighing yourself? Common sense, but no…So, what? Have surgery! It’s risky, but it’s worth the risk, right?

First amazing thing about surgery…Saggy skin!

Weight loss surgery causes weight loss, but the skin that’s been stretched will either stay stretched or SLOWLY shrink back. People may find that they qualify for weight loss surgery assistance (financially), but not excess skin removal. This leaves them with piles of saggy skin hiding their new beach bodies.

Second amazing thing about surgery…Regain!

Surgery doesn’t stop you from regaining. In fact, it doesn’t even guarantee you’ll lose. People assume that a small stomach will stop you from regaining. Fortunately, it doesn’t. Overeating or binge eating stretches the stomach back out where it belongs. The bigger it gets, the more you can/will eat, the more weight you’ll regain. It’ll feel great to be back at square one with a massive hole in your massive pocket.

Third amazing thing about surgery…Starvation!

Gastric bypass involves shortening organs like the intestines and cutting off most of the stomach. This forces you to eat less, whether you like it or not. Enjoy intense hunger you can’t fulfil. Why? You ask. A smaller stomach is easy to fill, isn’t it? Yes, if you can keep the food down…

Fourth amazing thing about surgery…Vomit and poo!

Look forward to vomiting your meals up, from both ends. People have reported that weight loss surgery makes them vomit, pee, and/or poo involuntarily. Just imagine a night out with friends. You’re on the dance floor, getting down to the music, when you realise you’ve pooed. Good times!

Fifth amazing thing about surgery…Death!

Starvation leaves you malnourished. When your body doesn’t get the vitamins and nutrients it needs, there’s trouble. Deficiencies leave you more vulnerable to everything from aches and pains to cancer. Combine this with vomit and poo – food your body failed to process – and you’ll be a walking corpse before long. Then you won’t be walking.

Of course, it’s better to die bony than live fat, right?