After weight loss you must regain the weight. If you don’t remember why, read this blog written by an expert. Read it? No? Okay, let’s try again. Click here. Did you bother this time? Thank you very much.

That post focused on why you should regain the weight you’ve lost. Today I realised that I never shared how to regain the weight. If you’ve been living a healthy lifestyle for a while it must be pretty hard to be unhealthy again, so let me help…

Here are 5 easy ways to regain fat after weight loss:

1. Stop Counting Calories and Portions

Who really wants to count calories forever? Not me. It’s annoying when you’ve got to check labels, weigh and measure your meals. Everyone else is tucking in while you’re balancing food on the scales. You’re stuck with tiny portions while they enjoy buffets. You’re ‘satisfied’ while they’re full. It’s not fair, is it?

Time to break free! Stop counting calories and portions. Pack your plate sky high and eat everything. Still wanna be healthy? Just eat high calorie healthy food like a 1,800 calorie salad. When you’re not checking food labels, seemingly healthy foods like that salad will slip under the radar. You’ll assume you’re eating a little but actually eating a lot. Underestimating your food intake like this will cause weight gain fast, which is great news now you’re regaining fat. To boost your results, throw in some junk food too! Those fizzy drinks, burgers, and pizza will leave you feeling sluggish and bloated. Looking forward to that? Me too!

2. Overestimate Calorie Burn

I bet you’re a VERY active person. Today you exercised for thirty minutes and then sat down for hours in front of the TV/computer/smartphone until bed. You must’ve burned hundreds of calories! Include extra fat burning activities like washing the dishes, taking a shower, and opening the curtains, means you must be a fat burning machine by now!

Keep overestimating that calorie burn! Changing the TV channel or taking the bus to work won’t burn off even 10% of that 1,800 calorie salad, so you’ll be regaining weight in no time.

3. Quit Exercising

A dream come true. No more exercise! No more gym, sweat, or hard work! Throw out those dumbbells, exercise balls, kettleballs, footballs, etc, and let loose. You’re burning thousands of calories a day by washing the dishes, using the toilet, and reading this blog, so why on earth should you keep exercising? Daily activities will keep you healthy during weight regain.

People say you should eat less if you exercise less, but don’t do that otherwise you’ll maintain or, even worse, lose weight. Keep eating the same amount to regain ASAP!

4. Don’t Track Anything

Don’t weigh or measure yourself. Don’t watch how tight or loose your clothes feel. Don’t track anything that’ll make you change your mind about regaining. If you see the rising number on the scale you might have second thoughts about getting fat again, so keep your eye on the prize: chicken wings and chicken wing arms.

5. Act Naturally Slim or Skinny

Why should you track calories and exercise when your naturally slim and skinny friends don’t? They don’t count calories, watch their fat intake, or exercise every morning. From now on, act just like naturally skinny people. They eat whatever they want. They eat as much as they want. They don’t get fat.

I know the haters and sceptics will say, “Eating like my naturally slim friends made me fat! They burned off the extra calories because they’re more active. They have super fast metabolisms. I can’t eat like them because I’ve got fat genes and unhealthy habits. If I don’t monitor myself, I’ll overeat or binge and regain the weight.”

It’s true. Your skinny friends don’t gain even when they eat like horses, but you will. You’ll eat like a horse and end up looking like a whale. Remember, this is exactly what we want. It’s time to let loose and be fat and happy again…You were happy size 20 with fat rolls, right?

Alas, my essay has come to an end. Remember those 5 easy ways to regain fat and be unfit again! I’m excited already about regaining the 74lbs I’ve lost. Why wear a bikini when you can wear a tent? Why have slender arms when you can have saggy ones? Why show off toned legs when your thighs could rub together until they’re sore and bruised?

Think about it.